Need a Band-aide?

I rarely talk about my pets on my blog because I find it truly uninteresting to read about other people’s animals and I wouldn’t want to put anyone through that. But some stories must be told.
We have a four-day vacation in Las Vegas and ask some family members to check on the cats well we are out. So far so good, but we have a very unruly yellow cat named Poncho who is a lot like his human mom in the manor of disobeying all that challenge. This is strange for a cat, at least to me.
Anyway back to the story.
David, my husband’s cousin, checked on the cats and reported that Poncho didn’t want to come in the house. This is normal for him, seeing that he walks only to the tune of his own drum. Again this is an example of his human mom. Strange!
We return home on Saturday morning to find both cats are out and are patiently waiting to be let in and fed.
Upon the hugging and kiss of both pets my husband said to me “There is something wrong with Poncho.” I then found a huge hole in Ponchos neck, I won’t even go into the sheer smell of the thing. It was grows!
This afternoon, since I have just so much time, I rushed out of work early and took him to the vets to have it checked out.

Long story short
Some Anastasia
Three stitches
And a new haircut

Priceless

Vegas Baby

I am back from Las Vegas and have lots to talk about.

I had time to spend with the family and take in some desert sights.

I love the desert but man is it dry. My skin feels like a reptile what has been hit by car and is on the side of the road drying up in the hot sun!

Anywho I was able to smuggle some hand cream on the plane, which helped immensely, just don’t ask me how I got it through the intensely secure line of the airport police and the ever strong forces of their wounds.

Also please take a look at my flickr account where there are more pictures.

More to come!

duh

Sometimes I do things without thinking.
and sometimes my brain is so full of stuff that I don't make sense

Zoom Zoom

We are preparing for another trip.
On Thursday morning we will be jetting off to Las Vegas.
This should be very interesting because this is Manolo’s first time out there.
I will be sure to bring back lots of stories and pictures.

Blue Bird Blogs

Check out what I just found.

http://bluebirdblogs.blogspot.com/

It is an easy read and is very informable.
Happy blogging

Self interview 091406

Full circle

Being faced with your past makes you aware of who you once were and who you are today.
It is funny to me that at 13 I knew who I was, what I wanted, and how to feel
But then things changed and I took an emotional growth trip around the block
Now I am 26 and right back at my 13 year old self
Of course I have grown mentally and physically but my views on life are the same

My question is if I had just stayed the way I was would I be who I am today?
Or would I be worse off because I didn’t have those crucial experiences that lead me to be my 13 your old self again?

Then:
I had long hair and a peaceful view of the world.
Between:
----------------Scary stuff and scary people---------
Now:
I have long hair and a peaceful view of the world.

Next thought:
I guess I needed that time in a drug induced coma to realize that I can still be that free 13 year-old and handle the challenges of adulthood.

Self Doubt

I clime this latter of life trying to reach the top.
Every day is another step and you would think that at my age I would have a better understanding of boundaries.

I would have the ability to overcome my fear of screwing up.
Overcome the fear of failure.

See I know by now that without taking risks you will go nowhere.
So why was it so hard for me to pick up the phone, at work, and ask what the client wants?

Because I was afraid of looking dumb.
Now I have let the issue at hand go on for three days and that makes me look worse then if I had just picked up the phone and asked the question, even if it seemed dumb at the time.

Once realizing this I asked myself do I do this in my personal life too.
That would explain the business plan that sits in my office not being used, collecting dust.

I can see my life changing right in front of my eyes. I am changing, my family is changing, it is maturing. I am taking another step in the right direction, I know I am.
I just need to get over myself and do it.

Cause a verb to happen.

Husband

You yell from the back room but I can’t seem to yell back
This, I think is because it forces me to try to get to you faster

When we talk, your views have changed and I can see a stronger man
A sexier man

You sleep light so when I fuss over not being able to sleep you wake up enough to brush my hair back, calming me

The words that drift from our mouths and into our ears are really heard by one another

We still play like school children

I want to be next to you in all your endeavors, forever

My pet name for you is commonly used among jail house jokes, that makes me laugh

Only you can make me giggle in a way that I wouldn’t want my friends to hear

We have code words that only our friends know

I hope you have a great day

Your wife

Random things

Favorite place to be:
Swimming where the rain meets the water.

The walls crack
The doors squeak
The wind howls through the window pains
The floors creak from the pitter-patter of the cat’s paws
But I am alone and the house is still
But yet I can’t help but hear a symphony of music being created from this 72-year-old house.

Poor Maggie she and her farm always get a bad rap.

Introducing Cotton Girl:
Breaking through the constraints of the nylon polyurethane mold of the everyday rat race.


Your family is as close as you want them to be.
Women tend to have children all together.
Since the human’s body doesn’t produce a litter of children we have multiple mothers with single children being born at one time.
However the women tend to have them close in time and raising them up in the tribe of family members.
Tribal knowledge.

The validity of oneself seen through the eyes of another is not imperative to me.

My body swells
The hunger grows
The attitude rears its ugly head
Pointing fingers and placing blame
Showing its undesirables
Then the sadness comes to play followed with great gilt
I am down on my knees
I beige for forgiveness
But why should I be cleansed of my deeds?

What am I talking about in this head of mine?

Far Away

Where do we go from here?

Have I traveled to far from home?
Making it virtually imposable to ever return.

The moments in our lives that take us to new places and to different levels of life is the journey.

Third floor boyfriends and dramas
Sixth floor engagements and weddings

Well I have seen enough to know that I have a lot to learn and I need to reflect that in my mind to help me see a clear view of who I want to be in the future.
I find myself asking myself, if the stress and depression from school and work is worth it.
I think of all the time I am missing with friends and family.
Are my pets seeing enough of me and is the laundry done.
All these things shape the way I am, so do I think it’s worth it.
No! I don’t but I know that in a few years when I look back on it I hope to feel accomplished and not regretful.

Twentieth floor empty nester and retirement

Just go with it and don’t force anything.

Today who knows

If given the opportunity to be contacted or contact someone you knew would you do it?
Think about the years that you spent pulling yourself from the person you once were only to be sucked in by a click and a moment of time. All the time you spent developing yourself into a new person will be gone because you contacted someone who knows who you really were… because they saw you in a light that you didn’t even see yourself in.

I have been spending the last six years trying to shake the past twenty only to be confronted with the chance to be exposed.

I have built a life that gives me the ability leave this country, never to be seen again.

And I ask myself do I really want to do that?
Would I really do that?

I would never be able to leave my family but the United States?
I bet I could!

But the truth is why would I do that?
I can’t run from life forever.

I love my husband very much and I know that if or when he wants to go home I will be by his side.

I think that would be nice.

We will cross that bridge when we get there.

My Hood...

Well I am back from the hood and have a lot to talk about.

I am really moved as to how lucky I truly am.
The people I call family are honest, loving, and beautiful.

Even the people that I think I scared as a child.
They have all excepted me and my new family, with open arms.
I don’t want this to change.

Food for the soul!

Fried Green Tomato’s
A Trip to the country
Reading to Sage
The endless conversations at the kitchen table

This is the recipe of the good life.

Finally I have made it.

Think about it

On a lighter note and not letting things that get you down keep you down.
Here is a view I have been working on.

I have been thinking of things to set me apart from everyone else and maybe make some money at it.
I read and write and seek advice but I always seem to come off as a sniveling never was. I feel like in my quest for knowledge I am just bothering people.
Kind of like the little sister grabbing at the shirt of an older sister who doesn’t think it’s cool to be seen with her little sister.
This would explain why I never hear back from anyone, but after some thought I come to this:
People can’t do anything for me because they don’t know me from Eve.
They are people of movement and want to see action, I have to be able to step from the line of others and prove that I am a fighter like them.
In their eyes they have already walked this path and now it is my turn, I must take those same steps they have already taken in order to be able to understand.

Take my time take my money

Today I am an emotional wreck. This is not the norm for me and that is why I am writing about it.
I put a lot of stress on myself and I carry a lot of stress from outside sources.
I spend a lot of my time shutting out the feelings that overwhelm my mind and body every day.
But today it is too hard to ignore the screams of the dark angels. Finally I have broken down and started to cry uncontrollably.
I am just speechless
There is nothing else that can bother me today
I have broken

But just for today
Today I have a mid-term
Tomorrow I have a mid-term
And then I leave town.

I am going to sped four days in the country where I will be surrounded with
Friends
Family
Myself
Nature and quiet
I am planning on trying to connect with my inter-self to find out where all my feelings have gone. Maybe then when I get back I will feel anger and strength and not just this overwhelming feeling of “O well it will get better”

Finally

Well here ya go for all of you who want to see what the wedding look like.
It was almost a year ago and I am just getting to take care of some of the wedding pictures. What does that tell you about me...
I hope you enjoy what I post and I am hoping to put more up on flickr.

Today

The inside of my body swirls like a wild tornado.
I can feel the spinning of the wind current wanting to turn my body with it.

I struggle to ignore the pain of an invisible ice pick penetrating my right ear sending shocks of crippling pain through my head and jaw.

On the outside I just look tired and lazy.

Because there's just no pictures to describe!

Here is a letter to the head director for my program at school. I was telling him that I am having trouble with a teacher and needs some help on how to deal with him. He suggested a meeting. This was the first letter I wrote to get how I really felt off my chest and was not really sent to anyone, it was never to see light. But I am bringing it out to make me feel better. I hope you enjoy it too.

Mr. Lachapelle,
I have been giving much thought to your suggestion to have a one on one meeting with Mr. Heideman and I don't think it will be necessary. I think that the meeting will be just something else for him to hold against me and I don't think it is a good idea. Anyway that you cut it I will be the bad guy and being that you two are "friends" I don't see how I will even be heard. I also think that Mr. Heideman will have his views and I will be seen as an unruly student. That being said, I don't see him going any where soon and I will have to have other classes with him that will just lead me to drinking harder and destroying my body. Seeing that I am tiring to get pregnant, any more stress in my life is not wanted. I will just take the C or D he gives me and be glad that I didn't fail. I will also take the necessary steps to lie to him by agreeing to what ever he said and I will be sure to tell him that he is a great man just to feed his ego. I understand that all fallen somebodies need that from time to time.

Thank you for you time.

Kind regards,
TA

Home Sweet Home

You allow me the freedom to be me.
That is the priceless gift that you give me.
To be me as myself.
There is nothing that I hide from you.
What you see is what you get.
This is my favorite place to be.

Who is out there?

I recently added a counter to my blog. This will record every time a person clicks to my blog whether it be a mistake or just someone patiently waiting for my next brain regurgitation. But I click on my blog maybe six times a day and what I really want to know is who really reads this stuff. I know my family and friends do but I want to know if there is anyone who I don’t know and has just started reading purely out of interest. So what I am asking is for everyone who reads this to please leave a comment so I can see who all of you are. I would also like to thank all of you for reading the crap that comes out of my head. I hope that everyone gets a kick from hearing about the life I live. I know that this is kind of going out on a limb and of course there is that fear that I am speaking to an empty auditorium but non-the-less I am ok with the outcome either way.

By the way this picture is of me and my childhood friend, Jason. He was the first person who I befriended simply because he was the neighbor. Sadly his life was cut short and he was hit by a car at 13. It was a great tragedy but we live on with him in our memories.

All my life

I have this little thing that has interested me since I was a child. All my letters and numbers have gender and personalities.

Example:
No. 1 is a young boy who has a wise under lining soul.
No. 2 is a teenage girl who looks up to 5.
No. 3 is a teenage girl the snooty cheerleader type who kind of picks on 2.
And so on.

I didn’t know that there are other people living with this, or that there was a name for it but there is and it is called Synesthesia. Now that I know of this condition I am going to look into it. It is really interesting to read about and to have.
I mean there are people with psychic abilities, autism, and many other conditions but you don’t hear too much about people who can smell the colors and aren’t tripping on acid.
I will be spending some time reading up on this and I will keep you all posted on my condition.