Thursday, October 25, 2007

I have not had a chance to stop and think about my last entry, but I sold the car and have all my homework in.
I did however have the opportunity to watch a re-run of the documentary called “Crazy, Sexy Cancer”.
Not that I am trying to make a habit of staying up late and watching documentaries and crying for hours on end. As I was watching it it occurred to me that my voice on the issue of women with cancer seems to be drowned out in my head by all the other voices with their own stories. I felt lost in my own head knowing full well that I am not alone and those others, a mass of people, are also feeling the same loss. I watched this show and thought about my mom, who was a 7 year survivor of Brest cancer until she was taken by a spreading of Bone cancer throughout her body. I watched these strong willed women and their bodies change with the signs of cancer. The swelling limbs, the lose of hair, tubes coming from versus pars of their bodies and I thought what overwhelming power they have. I can only wish that I was there for my mom when she went through that. The problem with my mom; however, was that she was a very private woman and kept much of her cancer to herself. I envy these women who have the strength to get mad and speak out because my mom didn’t and never wanted to. I can’t help but think that if she had she might be here today still fighting.
I just can't put in word the deep respect I have for those who can look death in the face, throw there arms up (ballerina style) and skip away smiling. There way of saying "You will get me soon enough but until then, you will not bother me, now shuw"

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Considering the thought
For a moment of my day I am going to try to meditate on the idea of quitting what I know and image what it would be like to embark on a dream of doing what I want, when I want, and be profitable in doing so.
Dreamers are just dreamers and a wast if those dreams aren’t turned into reality, thus changing the name from dreamer to inventor.
I want to be a dreamer that becomes the inventor without denying or compromising my well being.
I don’t expect it to be easy or without tears.
I also don’t want to dwell on it as if I was writing up a business plan.
That is too binding and limits my dream.
To much reality

I will try to keep you posted.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I haven’t written anything in ages and I wanted it to be worth reading.
So I started writing anything and everything.
About my anniversary of two years with my husband.
About my heading back to school and the miserable feeling I have about it and how I had to get drunk for the first class just to get through it.
About how I miss the cold weather and am quite ready for the fall.
There are so many things that I want to talk about but I didn’t want to bore you with a grocery list of things going on in my life.
So I think I am going to tell you a short story.
Well…
I thought it over and decided that I would not bore you with that either.
Wow what does that tell you about my inspiring mind.
You know I was told that school and teachers would do their very best to destroy or distort that part of my the body and they where right.
I got nothing.
For right now anyway.