Far Away

Where do we go from here?

Have I traveled to far from home?
Making it virtually imposable to ever return.

The moments in our lives that take us to new places and to different levels of life is the journey.

Third floor boyfriends and dramas
Sixth floor engagements and weddings

Well I have seen enough to know that I have a lot to learn and I need to reflect that in my mind to help me see a clear view of who I want to be in the future.
I find myself asking myself, if the stress and depression from school and work is worth it.
I think of all the time I am missing with friends and family.
Are my pets seeing enough of me and is the laundry done.
All these things shape the way I am, so do I think it’s worth it.
No! I don’t but I know that in a few years when I look back on it I hope to feel accomplished and not regretful.

Twentieth floor empty nester and retirement

Just go with it and don’t force anything.

Today who knows

If given the opportunity to be contacted or contact someone you knew would you do it?
Think about the years that you spent pulling yourself from the person you once were only to be sucked in by a click and a moment of time. All the time you spent developing yourself into a new person will be gone because you contacted someone who knows who you really were… because they saw you in a light that you didn’t even see yourself in.

I have been spending the last six years trying to shake the past twenty only to be confronted with the chance to be exposed.

I have built a life that gives me the ability leave this country, never to be seen again.

And I ask myself do I really want to do that?
Would I really do that?

I would never be able to leave my family but the United States?
I bet I could!

But the truth is why would I do that?
I can’t run from life forever.

I love my husband very much and I know that if or when he wants to go home I will be by his side.

I think that would be nice.

We will cross that bridge when we get there.

My Hood...

Well I am back from the hood and have a lot to talk about.

I am really moved as to how lucky I truly am.
The people I call family are honest, loving, and beautiful.

Even the people that I think I scared as a child.
They have all excepted me and my new family, with open arms.
I don’t want this to change.

Food for the soul!

Fried Green Tomato’s
A Trip to the country
Reading to Sage
The endless conversations at the kitchen table

This is the recipe of the good life.

Finally I have made it.

Think about it

On a lighter note and not letting things that get you down keep you down.
Here is a view I have been working on.

I have been thinking of things to set me apart from everyone else and maybe make some money at it.
I read and write and seek advice but I always seem to come off as a sniveling never was. I feel like in my quest for knowledge I am just bothering people.
Kind of like the little sister grabbing at the shirt of an older sister who doesn’t think it’s cool to be seen with her little sister.
This would explain why I never hear back from anyone, but after some thought I come to this:
People can’t do anything for me because they don’t know me from Eve.
They are people of movement and want to see action, I have to be able to step from the line of others and prove that I am a fighter like them.
In their eyes they have already walked this path and now it is my turn, I must take those same steps they have already taken in order to be able to understand.

Take my time take my money

Today I am an emotional wreck. This is not the norm for me and that is why I am writing about it.
I put a lot of stress on myself and I carry a lot of stress from outside sources.
I spend a lot of my time shutting out the feelings that overwhelm my mind and body every day.
But today it is too hard to ignore the screams of the dark angels. Finally I have broken down and started to cry uncontrollably.
I am just speechless
There is nothing else that can bother me today
I have broken

But just for today
Today I have a mid-term
Tomorrow I have a mid-term
And then I leave town.

I am going to sped four days in the country where I will be surrounded with
Friends
Family
Myself
Nature and quiet
I am planning on trying to connect with my inter-self to find out where all my feelings have gone. Maybe then when I get back I will feel anger and strength and not just this overwhelming feeling of “O well it will get better”

Finally

Well here ya go for all of you who want to see what the wedding look like.
It was almost a year ago and I am just getting to take care of some of the wedding pictures. What does that tell you about me...
I hope you enjoy what I post and I am hoping to put more up on flickr.

Today

The inside of my body swirls like a wild tornado.
I can feel the spinning of the wind current wanting to turn my body with it.

I struggle to ignore the pain of an invisible ice pick penetrating my right ear sending shocks of crippling pain through my head and jaw.

On the outside I just look tired and lazy.

Because there's just no pictures to describe!

Here is a letter to the head director for my program at school. I was telling him that I am having trouble with a teacher and needs some help on how to deal with him. He suggested a meeting. This was the first letter I wrote to get how I really felt off my chest and was not really sent to anyone, it was never to see light. But I am bringing it out to make me feel better. I hope you enjoy it too.

Mr. Lachapelle,
I have been giving much thought to your suggestion to have a one on one meeting with Mr. Heideman and I don't think it will be necessary. I think that the meeting will be just something else for him to hold against me and I don't think it is a good idea. Anyway that you cut it I will be the bad guy and being that you two are "friends" I don't see how I will even be heard. I also think that Mr. Heideman will have his views and I will be seen as an unruly student. That being said, I don't see him going any where soon and I will have to have other classes with him that will just lead me to drinking harder and destroying my body. Seeing that I am tiring to get pregnant, any more stress in my life is not wanted. I will just take the C or D he gives me and be glad that I didn't fail. I will also take the necessary steps to lie to him by agreeing to what ever he said and I will be sure to tell him that he is a great man just to feed his ego. I understand that all fallen somebodies need that from time to time.

Thank you for you time.

Kind regards,
TA

Home Sweet Home

You allow me the freedom to be me.
That is the priceless gift that you give me.
To be me as myself.
There is nothing that I hide from you.
What you see is what you get.
This is my favorite place to be.