The closer that we get to moving west the more fear spreads through my body infecting my soul like a cancer. I am looking at my worldly possessions and think about how long it took me to get here and how the move could take that all away from me.
The amount of time there is also weighs on my mind. The two years that we are looking to live there and the few years we are planning on staying in Colombia are putting my want to settle down off into the next ten years. To top it all off I still want to have children soon.
These are things that plague my mind at night and keep me imprisoned in insomnia.
I have also been having thoughts and visions of bad things happening around me. A shadow of a large man standing at the foot of my bed; a severing of limbs making it hard to work and live; car accidents that leave just the broken soul of a person sitting at the edge of their bed crying.
And money!
Money and I are not friends or companions. I am quite afraid of it and don’t like flashing it or having it flashed in front of me. It makes my skin crawl just looking at it. But I know that it is an essential element to life and though we can live without it I know that we technically can’t in today’s world. Unless I am willing to go and live my life in some cabin in the woods where I do nothing but eat berries and hunt animals. I am betting that I am not going to jump off that limb anytime soon.
I know it is the little things in life that make up the big things.
But it is still scary.
The amount of time there is also weighs on my mind. The two years that we are looking to live there and the few years we are planning on staying in Colombia are putting my want to settle down off into the next ten years. To top it all off I still want to have children soon.
These are things that plague my mind at night and keep me imprisoned in insomnia.
I have also been having thoughts and visions of bad things happening around me. A shadow of a large man standing at the foot of my bed; a severing of limbs making it hard to work and live; car accidents that leave just the broken soul of a person sitting at the edge of their bed crying.
And money!
Money and I are not friends or companions. I am quite afraid of it and don’t like flashing it or having it flashed in front of me. It makes my skin crawl just looking at it. But I know that it is an essential element to life and though we can live without it I know that we technically can’t in today’s world. Unless I am willing to go and live my life in some cabin in the woods where I do nothing but eat berries and hunt animals. I am betting that I am not going to jump off that limb anytime soon.
I know it is the little things in life that make up the big things.
But it is still scary.
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