Winter

It has been a while since my last post and it seems that my posts are getting further and further from each other. To tell you the truth I just don't have anything to say. I have a house that feels more like a Motel 6 charging by the hour. They come they go and all I can say is nothing. They are all characters that I am learning something from so I just watch. I must say that because there are so many of my husbands side in the house I can't help but get better at speaking and understanding my second language of Spanish.
All and all things are good and I hope they will continually get better for the new year. Manolo and I have had some hard times and we are looking forward to 2007.

Eating in OHIO

Because all I have to say is HOTDOG SUSHI!

Need I say more?

NO NO please really blow the picture up and take a look at it.
It is of a hot dog!

No one is Home!

I am Tara's creative side. I chose when to come out and what to do.
She has no control over me and though I know she wishes I came out to play more often I keep her urning for more.
It is the sick joke I must play on her to keep her on edge.
No one knows when I will show but when I do it is always fun or at least interesting to see.
You should see her when the other sides have control.

where it is...

Let me take a breath…
OK
I miss the cold and I know that you should be careful as to what you wish for because you may get it, but to that I say bring it on…
I swallow the 70 degrees Decembers and the yells from the couch about it being hot with a Christmas tree standing in my living room.
I know what it is to live on the extreme of both ends, but to live in the middle, will work for me, that is what I wish for so please give me the best of both.
I know that my family and I are blest with everything we have ever wanted but there is always more. That is HUMAN NATURE…

First I wish the best for all that surrounds me; then I wish that this year will yield a new life in location and new life in growth.

Signs Of Hope

I have been looking around and I am starting to see some of the benefits of working towards my BA in Marketing. Though I have not tried to find a job nor am I looking for one, I do see that most of the people (the editor of The New Yorker) who have done really well for themselves just with their BA in Something. I know this doesn’t look like great hope but here is where it gets good… The way I see it is once I receive that piece of expensive, time consuming, spirit braking, paper I will then know that I don’t ever have to back to school as long as I want. I will have learned my lease that I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to and will have a piece of paper that says I have already suffered and lost time in my life, now give me 20,000 dollars more a year out of respect.
Thank you vary much!

Enough

Think think think that is all I do, should I say this, should I not say that. I still shock people but I my words are like a knife cutting to the soft tissue of people’s emotions. I can see their feeling being emaciated but yet all I can do is publicly apologize and much like when I was a kid I really don’t feel bad that I said it but I just don’t want the other person to feel embarrassed. Public embarrassment is one thing that I chose to try not to do to people very often but if need be I will not hold back. I do believe in just deserts.

Happy

December

People

Truck Stop

I sit and think the truck stop café of my mind…

I think I need a change of weather
I want to feel the soft skin on my hands crack and bleed from the cold breeze
I want the feeling of a scratchy sweater on my moist skin
I need to feel the weight of mutable blankets on my bed pressing my body into a cocoon position
These are some of the things that make me feel alive

I miss the feeling of time pass
Stop this purgatory life I am living

Stella got her grove back

I broke my routine last night and decided that after school I was going to go downtown to take some pictures and do some thinking. This is not abnormal for me because I used to do this when I was single, a long time ago. As I walked the streets there were a few homeless people that were huddled up on the old church steps and I couldn’t help but think about how I could be sitting there with them or I could return tomorrow with some hot soup to knock the chill off. As cautions as I have to be walking the dark streets in downtown I headed for more familiar territory, The Hub. This is a little bar my husband and our friends meet at from time to time. Upon my approach I see two men at an ATM, at this point my guard goes up and I begin to look around. As the two men walk from under the direct light to the street light I notice that they look vaguely familiar.
Hey… Wait… Is that…
Hey Manolo and Freddy!
It is my husband and our friend and they were just as shocked to see me as I was to see them.
Hey we are going to the Cotton Club, want to come?
Sure I was staring to get followed by some guy anyway. Let’s go!
What are the chances that I go to be alone and think and there is my husband walking the dark streets of downtown. Scary after being with someone for some time how you meet on the same level all the time.
So we jump in the car and head to Cotton Club.
This experience needs to be thought about before committing to paper so please stay tuned for the rest of the story.

The Weakest Link

Have you ever tried your hardest to be really efficient and productive at something only to find that you are wasting your time?
Why does being successful at everything push people to do things they never wanted to do in the first place?
I am having one of those weeks been everything I touch turns to poop.
When I try to think nothing comes out and if something does come out it ends up being really bad.
Every move I make is turning into five more moves I have to take to fix what I have just did.
O MY GOD I am having the hardest time concentrating with rap boy next to me.
I am walking around with my frowny face on way too much and I have to do something about that.
Lets see what can I do that will turn my frown upside down?
Quit my job
Run away
Go on a binge
I think I really need a binge right about now
My levels are way too high even for meditation to fix

Why do I write this shit?
Does anyone really read this?
Why do any of you read this?

Sorry this can’t be buttoned up in just one entry so until next time all my little friends.
More to come.
PS Sorry to all for my bad attitude.

Out of bed

Sorry that I have not been keeping up with my blog lately but I have a house full of people and it is not always the easiest to get to the computer. By the way all my settings have been converted to Spanish so if I am not coming across clearly it is becasue everything is set up for Spanish.
Other occurences in the house include parties and lots of eatting. Among all this fun I have manager to catch a cold.
Sorry to report that I am tired and need to make this short because I am going back to bed.
Thanks ya’ll for stoping by and I hope to be up and running soon.

At Home

Medial tasks of the weekend:
Enjoy time with my sweetie
Paint new television stand
Take pictures
Watch the sun come up
Get new insurance
Dress porch for the Harvest
Watch television
Work on portfolio
Do some homework

Sorry this isn’t deep writing but this is the way my thoughts are working right now. Nothing is longer then a task list. Focusing is extremely hard for me right now. I hope this doesn’t last long but it seems to have a good grip on me and I don’t see it letting go anytime soon. I will work on opening my focus mojo this week and hopefully I will be able to give you some substance.
Until next time my readers.

One more thing…
I got a blister on my left foot and I think I am getting arthritis in my hands.

Here is one of my pictures, I hope you enjoy it.

Treasure

I have been having some trouble with my car lately and my husband and I are entertaining the idea of selling the thing and getting something a little bigger. Our family is growing but our car is not, so I was in the storage area searching desperately for the title of my car, which was sent to me about three years ago. To be quite honest with you the last time I remember seeing the darn thing was when I opened the envelop and ran around the house waving the title in air screaming with total joy that I would no longer have a stupid car payment.
Long story short…
I didn’t find it.
However I did find this disc with some pictures on it and my curiosity got the best of me so I popped it into Shamus (our computer) and this is what I found.




This is a picture of my dad throwing the ashes of my mom into San Francisco Bay.
I was unable to attend. It made me sad to see but I am trying to find the positive in it and I have come to this…
(I take a deep breath and a sip of wine)
She is not here to help me along with the rest of my life but every time I look in the mirror I see her starring back at me.

I am glad I found this…
I needed this…

Fun at the Arismendy's

Last Tuesday I came home from school and was greeted by my lovely husband who after a nice conversation stops and looks me in the eyes.
He says to me "I have some bad news but it is not all lost yet."
Ok at this point with Manolo I have no idea what to expect.
Then he says it, "I lost my wedding ring, outside, with the leaves, I think in the front yard, or in the bag of leaves."
HEHEHE
I will not get mad... I will not get mad...
It was Sunday by the time we both had time to go through the leaf bags. Luckily there was only two and they were relatively small compared the that of the North.



Here we are staring on Bag number one.
Doesn't that look fun...

Guess what, of course it is not in the first bag we combed through on our hands and knees. :(



Here we are going through bag number two.
WoooHooo...
Manolo found it and we look up at one another with so much happiness and smiling from ear to ear.



This really is a funny story but I am just off right now on my story telling.
You know when you have great things coming your way for a while then it just stops. Well I am at a stop.
I hope that it picks up soon because I am really getting tired of not having anything to say or anyway to get what is inside of me out.

Plucked from my influences

I was sitting pondering the other day about immigration and migration. We all know about immigration but what if you think about migration. Let me put it this way. You are a hard working single mom living in an over populated city that is offering you very little money, bad living conditions, and a terrible education system for you children. How much different are you from a migrant worker or immigrant living in the states?
To immigrate is to leave your home and head for a better life in an unknown land. Just as you could do if you move to a small town, thus migration. You may live a life with lower pay there because the jobs can’t offer as much but you will not have the worries of your child having a less then average education, sharing books with other students, or being shot at by gangs etc. We never know what other people are living even if it is in front of our face. We have to live their experiences to truly understand.
So next time you see that hardworking migrant or transplant, be a little sympathetic. You never know the hell they have lived. Have you ever had to make stew from a coffee pot because that is the oly thing close to a stove you have.

Have you ever sat in a room with other people, all each working on their own project and you become so committed to what you’re doing that by the time you feel tired and need some inspiration you look up to find yourself sitting in a empty room?
I am finally bringing my head up and I am finding myself in an empty room.
(My dear family and friends, please don’t misunderstand me)
There are things in everyone’s life that they can only do alone and for me dedicating myself to school is one of those things.
I know that no one can do it for me. It is my ability to schedule my time to make my life functional.
What I am getting to is that I am here for the next two years and I have already made some commitments that I can’t break.
I have never quit anything in my life that was good for me. I have quit some that were bad, but that is another story.
I have never given up all hope either. I have been lost and wanted to quit in bouts of desperation but the bottom line is that I (we all) must keep going.
People of the Baby Boomer Generation keep saying to me “Well when I was in school they thought us all about _______.” Well your generation messed it up for my generation by making the television our babysitter so please stop saying that you are so great and smart because if you were I would know what you already know, but at 16 not 61.
What I am alluding to is that I must learn to work through my hardship and figure out how to continue living my life to its most enjoyable aspects.

Home Sweet Home

I want to share something that I found on wizardacademy.com. I have been thinking of returning to my home town with my new family but the closer I get to home the more I see that I no longer fit in. I thought this was funny because I just so happen to come across this quote from John Steinbeck and found that even though times change and people change the issues are relatively the same.

I hope you enjoy.

"My town had grown and changed and my friend along with it. Now returning, as changed to my friend as my town was to me, I distorted his picture, muddied his memory. When I went away I had died, and so became fixed and unchangeable. My return caused only confusion and uneasiness. Although they could not say it, my old friends wanted me gone so that I could take my proper place in the pattern of remembrance - and I wanted to go for the same reason."- John Steinbeck in Travels With Charley

Epiphany in the shower

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are here in the states from Columbia, South America and I am really glad to have them. My husband’s side of the family rarely talks to me in English so I rely on what little Spanish I can speak and work off body language for the rest. That has been working out well for the past 5 years but I know that I have to learn their language. Manolo’s sister and mother will be with us for the most part of three months and spending time with other family members in the area.
I am amazed at how well we all get along, you know how some families change their song and dance after the wedding and relationships sour. Well all is looking good on my side of the picket fence and I am hoping that it stays that way.
Anywho, Manolo and I have had the house for two years and have lived together for about four years; though we have had people come and stay with us I have forgotten what it sounds like to have people in our home. I mean when you’re growing up all you know is people stomping through the house and TV’s being on full blast all the time. But for me I have forgotten all the sounds of a living house. I have been in my own dwelling for eight years and it just blows me away as to how sound sensitive I have become.
For the past three days I have had two more people in my house walking around, watching TV, and cooking in my kitchen. It is nice to have a house full of people and I always enjoy having people here because both our families live so far away, but it hit me just this morning, in the shower. If I let the noise become an unbearable burden then this experience of sharing my home will become an emotional scare that I will carry with me forever. However, if I instead dance to the new rhythm of my wooden house it can be a great experience. All the tapping of shoes, the pings of pots and pans, the muffled sounds of phone conversations as my bass line, do you hear a Disney musical happening here?
All and all I am glad to have them here and can’t wait to really focus on learning the native tongue of my new family. When I really think about it is just great to have more women in my house, you know hanging with the girls on the couch and knitting.

Annoying Factor

I am dealing with people all day just like everyone else in this world and I just can’t help but want to jab a pencil in some of their ears. I have to listen to all the whoos of your life and how it is hard to work and garden all in one week. You came to me to tell me how your day is hard and your tired. Well let me just roll out the red carpet for your tired old feet. Let me show you the way to the edge of the cliff where I can push you off so you can tumble to the rocky bottom bouncing all the way. You in the same breath tell me that if you sell you house you can live dept free where ever you want.
That is just great.
I love to complain about my life too but I do it here where no one cares.
I am all about being the shoulder to cry on but the more stress I take on the less coherent I become.
Just shut up and leave me alone.
O and I mean this in the nicest way.

One Year Down

This first year was tough for us but we made it through and we did it together. I just want to take this moment to tell you that I love you and I like you. I couldn’t do this without you.
Thank you to all our friends and family that take part in our lives.