Who is out there?

I recently added a counter to my blog. This will record every time a person clicks to my blog whether it be a mistake or just someone patiently waiting for my next brain regurgitation. But I click on my blog maybe six times a day and what I really want to know is who really reads this stuff. I know my family and friends do but I want to know if there is anyone who I don’t know and has just started reading purely out of interest. So what I am asking is for everyone who reads this to please leave a comment so I can see who all of you are. I would also like to thank all of you for reading the crap that comes out of my head. I hope that everyone gets a kick from hearing about the life I live. I know that this is kind of going out on a limb and of course there is that fear that I am speaking to an empty auditorium but non-the-less I am ok with the outcome either way.

By the way this picture is of me and my childhood friend, Jason. He was the first person who I befriended simply because he was the neighbor. Sadly his life was cut short and he was hit by a car at 13. It was a great tragedy but we live on with him in our memories.

All my life

I have this little thing that has interested me since I was a child. All my letters and numbers have gender and personalities.

Example:
No. 1 is a young boy who has a wise under lining soul.
No. 2 is a teenage girl who looks up to 5.
No. 3 is a teenage girl the snooty cheerleader type who kind of picks on 2.
And so on.

I didn’t know that there are other people living with this, or that there was a name for it but there is and it is called Synesthesia. Now that I know of this condition I am going to look into it. It is really interesting to read about and to have.
I mean there are people with psychic abilities, autism, and many other conditions but you don’t hear too much about people who can smell the colors and aren’t tripping on acid.
I will be spending some time reading up on this and I will keep you all posted on my condition.

Bad brain BAD

There are a multitude of things happening right now.
Last weekend we were supposed to go to Ohio, but that in itself is still to disturbing to talk about and will have to be a rainy day story.
The truth is that I am home sick and need my pilgrimage.
I miss the quiet of my dad’s back yard and the somberness of the woods surrounding the house.
I want to use words like red up the room and not get crazy looks form people in ear shot.
I miss my dear friends and their kids.
I know there is always an option of moving back, but really there isn’t. You see the economy there is poor unless you are a doctor, lawyer, or part of the baby boomer generation. The great paying factory jobs that were there are slowly being phased out and that is why they call it the Rust Belt.

Which brings me to my next complaint; I am back in class with my most favorite teacher who I have previously written about. I will not mention any names just in case.
So we are having a class discussion about the wows of the corporate world and how to try to fix them when out of this guy’s mouth he says, “The manager who signed the contract with the union to give the employees three years notice on the closing of the planet is an idiot and should be fired.”
Ok that is where I can keep my silence no more.
I explain to him that I am from the Youngstown, Ohio area and come from generations of factory works. Being that he has spent some time in Cleveland, he knew where Youngstown is and what it is about, but apparently he has never lived the Blue Collar life. But that is ok and yes I know that the way things were is a thing of the past but he should respect my debate. I really laid into him, and thins is not just about Youngstown, it is about every small forgotten town in the US.
Anyway after I got tired of hearing myself talk I looked around the room and saw the faces of my poor classmates who had to watch me bleed my heard all over the room. I was totally unprepared to see myself in this passionate light and was a little embarrassed.
After this happened I had to rush home and consult the board of directors, being my sister and my dear friend Ang. Well Ang went along with me but Shannon was a little iffy.
Lesson learned. Do not express your blotted bleeding heart to your cut-throat republican teacher.

Side note:
I thought that years of listening to Jello Biafra and pounding the “Down with Corporate America” was behind me.
Guess not.

Family Affair

True to form, as soon as you start telling people your plans, they fall through.
For a few months now we have been planning on moving to Seattle.
We started lining things up with our schools, living quarters, and work but then some thing happened.

Ten months ago Manolo and I were about to get married when his work moved him away for almost four months. In that four months apart we realized how important our time together is and how being a workaholic is not worth the repercussions. Upon returning home he was without a job and a little jaded, well I was a little more then he was. Ok I was out right pissed, but not at him.
As we kept going, Manolo found a job but we still had the intent on leaving because we really didn’t have anything here that we were attached to. Plus Florida has one of the lowest graded school systems in the country.

Ok back to the story

I have been known to say to my friends that there is a reason for everything. Well I have come to the point where I need to heed my own advice.
A few months ago Manolo and I worked out our three year plan. We set some goals and thought it was workable and adventuress.
Then Manolo got a promotion at work but we still had the mind set to leave.
The closer we got to filling out paper work and working on the house to sell it we decided to bring the word to the family that we would be moving to the west coast.
This is very far because all the family is on the east coast.

It went over like a lead balloon.



There was some support in there but it was very apparent that it was souly out of kindness.
The following day I was promoted at my work.
The bells rang loud and the sign was taken.
We are going to tough it out here in Florida for the next two years, and then move to South Carolina where we can be closer to family and friends.

Funny how in my youth the only family I had was the friends I made in Youngstown, but now I get that blood is thicker then water thing.

To my Youngstown family:
Thank you Nate, Ernie, Rusty, Frank, Jon, and even Tommy. You guys taught me so much and I love you for it, no matter where you are or what you have done. You guys were the only family to show up and support me when my family failed.

Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

What the lack of sleep can do to a person.
Well spelling errors are becoming a reoccurrence with all of my writing.
The mind gets fuzzy
Mescals get jittery
Insane ideas come into the mind, this for me is common, but the line is draw when I decided to share these thoughts with the people around me
Driving drunk seems to be safer then driving tired

I will get sleep tonight, maybe.
On Friday morning Manolo and I will be jetting of to the country (doesn’t that sound nice, it is just to Bazetta – Ya look that place up) we are going home to my dads place. I am hoping to get some well deserved sleep there and a few hours playing in the woods taking pictures. My classes are really kicking my ass anymore. It seems like they are getting longer and more involved.
I will only be two more years of this; I guess I can do it.

Right?

P.S. Sorry for not having any photos but I have to find time to take them.

The HUB

Every time we see our good friend Freddy we reveal something about ourselves that we buried deep inside and it haven’t seen the light of day in years.
You know those little things that are always forgotten about.
Our topics are never the same and are always tongue in cheek.
A couple of cheap beers in a smoke filled bar reveled, this past weekend, some great stories.
Situations that occur in our lives make us who we are but they do not define us.
As time has shown we can clime mountains only to reach the top and tumble down, falling fast and losing our way.
Or
We can start off running only to fall in a hole, but then we clime out and look down at our body to see that it is still relatively clean and with just a little dusting can be better then before.
Our topics are never the same and are always tongue in cheek.

My point is that if you are having doubt or are sad just look back for a moment and you will see that at some time you had the strength to pull through and all you need to do now is remind yourself not to sweat the small stuff.

Fear washes over

Here I am doing my best to be myself through and through.
But what happens when you give yourself to yourself but it is not good enough?
It is never good enough in the eyes of the artist.
There is always something that can be made better or changed or tweaked.
O if I could go back and do that again I would…
It is what it is whether it is for you or for the world
I just have to do what I do when it is time.
It will come not by force but by will.

I think I need a new bed my neck hurts and my body is tired.

By the way these did not sell. Not even for a dollar.

Something positive

Property of Joanne Goberish do not reproduce.

I was talking to an old friend last week about how our lives have changed and where we would be if thing were different.
There was a lot of giggling and some gasping.
She now has two children and a busy life where I am still living the ‘married no kid’s life’ and that is ok.
I am coming to terms with this like a lion comes to terms with a thorn in his toe.
But after talking with her I remembered why we got along so well.
She is a great artist and a very inspirational spirit.
I miss her dearly but I know that there will come a point when I am going to be close to my family again.
Where she and I can sit at a kitchen table and talk over coffee. Some day…

Both my husband and I are far from our families, his being in South America and mine being in the north but that is kind of how we met and we know that we are going to take a long journey around but we will end up closer to our ken then before.
We by nature are travelers and though it sometime makes the heart sore it is our mo.

Hope to keep in touch with ya’ll!

July mid month

My brain is filled with questions today. Looking at the big picture I am really questioning everything. The home front is on egg shells, the moving front is on the brakes, and the money is to depressing to think about. The overwhelming weight of this is wearing on me and my family. To top it all off I have to go back to school this week and deal with the late nights and the bad eating habits.

I can’t stop thinking about the huge dept that has been stacking up over the years of my adult education and how in the hell am I going to pay for it all? I don’t even know what I want to do that is going to pay for my dept.

The gilt of my actions is swirling around my head like a caracal that doesn’t stop. Between the miscommunication and the silence of the house; makes me not know if I want to stop the ride and get off or if I should just keep going and wait it out. Either way, I really don’t have a direction or drive to do anything.

Quote:
"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."- Grace Hansen

Maybe I should just shut up and take this advice.

Fro In

guess who's back, back againg, fro is back, tell a friend....

Good day to all, and happy July!
July is the month of CANCER!!! finally!! i have waited many days and many nights to be the center of attention (zodiac attention that is) and it now awaits me!

CANCER 6/21-7/22
FAMOUS PERSON BORN UNDER CANCER, FRO 6/30 : )
RULING PLANET: MOON
RULES: BREASTS AND STOMACH
ELEMENT: WATER
POLARITY: FEMININE
NATURE: FRUITFUL
COLORS: SILVER, GREEN
SYMBOL: CRAB
KEY WORDS: NURTURE, PROTECT, EMOTION

CANCER'S HOROSCOPE FOR JULY
"THINGS HAPPEN! TAKE DEEP BREATHS, PASTE ON THE SMILE, AND FLOW WITH LIFE'S RHYTHEMS. THE HAPPENINGS ARE DESIGNED TO MOTIVATE YOU, TO ENHYANCE YOUR GROWTH IN A SUMMER YOU WON'T SOON FORGET."
SORRY EVERYONE ELSE, CANCER RULES "THIS MONTH!!!!"
I LOVE BANANAS
TATTOO SOON!!
FRO SIGNING OFF...


SORRY EVERYONE ELSE, CANCER RULES THIS MONTH!!!!
I LOVE BANANAS
TATTOO SOON!!
FRO SIGNING OFF...

Just some writing

I have been writing down every thought that comes through my head and here isone of them:
There is a rough part of skin on my foot that is a map of each step I have taken in every shoe I have ever bought.
I might not have crow’s feet around my eye but I have an entire map of every step on the bottom of my foot.
Funnny is it not?

The risks we take

The closer that we get to moving west the more fear spreads through my body infecting my soul like a cancer. I am looking at my worldly possessions and think about how long it took me to get here and how the move could take that all away from me.
The amount of time there is also weighs on my mind. The two years that we are looking to live there and the few years we are planning on staying in Colombia are putting my want to settle down off into the next ten years. To top it all off I still want to have children soon.
These are things that plague my mind at night and keep me imprisoned in insomnia.
I have also been having thoughts and visions of bad things happening around me. A shadow of a large man standing at the foot of my bed; a severing of limbs making it hard to work and live; car accidents that leave just the broken soul of a person sitting at the edge of their bed crying.
And money!
Money and I are not friends or companions. I am quite afraid of it and don’t like flashing it or having it flashed in front of me. It makes my skin crawl just looking at it. But I know that it is an essential element to life and though we can live without it I know that we technically can’t in today’s world. Unless I am willing to go and live my life in some cabin in the woods where I do nothing but eat berries and hunt animals. I am betting that I am not going to jump off that limb anytime soon.

I know it is the little things in life that make up the big things.
But it is still scary.

Just a thought

The Fear That Washes Over Me

Here I am doing my best to be myself through and through.
But what happens when you give yourself to yourself but it is not good enough?
It is never good enough in the eyes of the artist.
There is always something that can be made better or changed or tweaked.
O if I could go back and do that again I would…
It is what it is whether it is for you or for the world
I just have to do what I do when it is time.
It will come not by force but by will.
I think I need a new bed my neck hurts and my body is tired.